Grace Under Pressure (Abby's Song)

I wish I could demonstrate and be an example for the term “Grace Under Pressure” but I fall too far short of the goal. Yesterday I realized I am not half the man I want to be as I held my dog Abby in my arms as she took her last breaths and passed away. Although I handled it well during her death for my family and acted as the strong one, cleaning up the mess and wrapping her in her Pokemon Blanket that she slept on when she was in the garage, it was when alone again I realized my shortcomings. I realized that sometimes I loose my temper, sometimes I hold a grudge, sometimes I bite the hand that feeds me and sometimes I’m just a pain in somebody’s side. But, Abby was never any of those. Abby was the best dog I ever had as a friend, really, she was the best dog that ever walked this earth. I’m not just biased in saying that, anyone that knew her would tell you that. Why? Because she exemplified “grace under pressure”, never lost her temper, never held a grudge and loved the hands that fed her even when they ignored her. In short, she was a 60 pound bundle of pure love that will forever be missed. She was a loving and gentle spirit, intelligent, and always wanting to please.

When she was young she would walk for miles with me, “box” like boxers do and wrestle and snuggle and sleep with the kids as they worked thru their nightmares. Her only sins in life, if you could call it that, is that she bit the UPS man when he handed me a package once, and would rather have her butt rubbed than her head. I wish I could say those were my worst sins, and she only bit that man because she thought she was protecting me. Then, she became old, diabetic, fighting liver disease, arthritis, multiple growths and moles and couldn’t even take a walk with us anymore. For awhile, we would do one or two block walks with her for “doggy physical therapy”, but about 7 months ago she couldn’t even do that anymore. In fact, many times in the past weeks we had to help her up the stairs to get back into the house after doing her business. However, because she wasn’t in any visible pain and enjoyed her daily food, I resisted the temptation to “put her down”. She was still happy, despite not being able to see, hear or walk much, she was still happy just being Abby and getting her ears scratched once in awhile. She particularly liked laying in front of the fireplace, so many nights I would make her a fire, and let her lay there enjoying the glow.

When the urinary and fecal incontinence visited Abby I was angry at first, I would yell at her, but I thank our Almighty God that’s all I did---I never spanked her, etc., I knew she didn’t do it on purpose, she simply couldn’t hold it. I then would put her in the heated garage all day and let her pee and poop with reckless abandon. I didn’t enjoy the clean up after a full day at work and I am sure I cursed her many times, but then I would go in and eventually give her the big dog doggy milk bone she knew she would get every nite about 8 p.m. It didn’t matter if I was upstairs of outside or downstairs, she knew when it was 8 and time for her bone and she would find me and nod at me or beckon me or lead me to the cabinet where the bones were. She was so happy and content after getting that simple morsel, I wish I could please my fellow man so easily…

The day before she died Abby was not well, she couldn’t get up without help, she didn’t care about food. The next day she wouldn’t go outside or get up. She was just laying there in the living room, breathing hard, very lethargic. Fortunately, I came home for lunch and Jomay asked me to look at her. As I listened to her heart and chest with my home stethoscope, saw her eyes and mouth, etc., I realized she was in her last stages of death. She had no pain, and when I told Jomay she was dying we just held her together, saying her name and petting her and she seemed so very happy to spend her last moments with us. My son Jeff told me he thought she was very sick and would die that day when he saw her in the morning. What is mind boggling to me is that she lay there, for hours and hours, in her final moments, and would not give up her ghost until I was there. I wasn’t home 30 minutes when she died. You know how we humans hang on for that last son or daughter, etc. to get home before we pass on? Yeah, there are multiple stories about that. Well, my loyal loving dog Abby did that for me---she held on long enough for me to get home and hold her and pet her and tell her it was o.k., and she died in my arms. That is “Grace Under Pressure” and love from an animal that I don’t see in many of us my friend. I don’t think I have it, I am humbled by it.

I did ok until the next night when I had to go out back with the pick-ax and slowly work my way thru the frozen sand and rocks and dig her grave. I haven’t cried that hard since we lost my father and father-in-law, I worked for hours and hours digging away and making a grave deep enough to keep the coyotes out. As I dug I remembered how she waited for me, how she always loved me when I was angry or sad or it didn’t matter what I was, she loved me despite myself. She loved me unconditionally, she loved me in grace under pressure of old age and her dying breaths. She loved me because she was just a loving pet, made that way, lived that way, died that way. I’m sorry, I can never do this again, I can never have another pet. There could never be another pet like Abby. I’m just going to stop there and remember my very loving, loyal friend who exemplified grace under pressure. Imagine that, a heavenly gift from but a lowly boxer, but Wow, what a gift indeed.