Anywhere Is A Better Place To Be

Harry Chapin wrote a song entiltled: “Anywhere Is a Better Place To Be.” In many phases of my life I felt that way, like all humans, I was always looking for greener grass on the other side of the fence. I hoped that someday, I would find a place to live that I wouldn’t want to leave, well, a place that had it all---a place that I had no reason to leave. I thought I found it when we bought this place up here in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Our place is right at the top of Lake Michigan in fact.

We are blessed with incredible sunrises and sunsets and we see the weather come and go and kick up waves that you can surf on and it pushes the salmon in and I can walk into the woods from my back door and see the eagles fly and the seagulls bellow and we watch the commercial fishermen right in front of my beach haul in tons of fish.

Yeah, I thought I’d found it all and seen it all. However, I realized it isn’t perfect at all, it isn’t at all what I wanted. No, you see, it can’t suit my needs. I have to be able to go to the river on my way home from work and cast for egg-sucking rainbows. I have to be able to fire up the boat and troll out in front of my house and catch silvery salmon. This is not enough, well, yes, of course each day is fulfilling and beautiful. It is, even when I have to drive to work in the early morning hours---I cannot get over how beautiful the drive is in the fall—when the golden/red leaves are falling and occasionally it snows a bit—but then melts. I can’t believe how green it is when I drive to work in the summer---the evergreens and the green deciduous trees---blasting you with fresh oxygen and wavy undulations of leaves delighting on the wind.

The problem is, I only have one lifetime in which to enjoy and experience and smell and taste and see this place. I cannot walk out onto my beach enough. I cannot light enough beach fires. I cannot catch enough brook and rainbow trout and salmon. I delight in the experience of not wanting to go anywhere. I don’t want to get on an airplane and see the world. I don’t want to go fishing anywhere else. I don’t want to do anything but be here, just experience here, see here, breath here, sleep here.

A 20 year-old would be squirming by now---how could anyone want to stay in a place where you can’t buy drywall screws on a Saturday? Why would you want to live in a place where you have to order special supplies and lumber days to
weeks in advance. You can’t just drive to Lowes in the middle of the day and get that last piece of corner-round molding you need---you have to stop when you run out and go to the next project and think about replenishing the other supplies next week. If you run out of butter at 7 p.m.---you have to do without, there’s nowhere to go unless you want to drive a half hour or two. It’s insane that anybody would want to live here. Witness winter---70 mph winds blowing over the ice and knocking down trees around your house and making it exceedingly difficult just to get in. Sometimes you have to shovel four times a day---even then the drifts still get the best of you. Why? Well, if it isn’t obvious, I guess I have to spell it out.

I don’t have light pollution. I can see the stars and the planets when they appear. I don’t have noise pollution---in fact, I can’t hear anything but the wind most of the time. I don’t have neighbor pollution. My nearest neighbor is about ¼ mile away---and she likes being by herself too. Well, most of the time she’s traveling and visiting children anyway. I can walk into my front yard in my underwear and pee in the grass and not give a shit about the neighbor next door.

I can live a lifetime of one----but, I cannot live enough lifetimes in one to get enough of living on the frontier…I am
living on the edge of the greatest fresh water lake in the world and waking up and in and experiencing Paradise.

I know there is a God in Heaven. I know he created me. I love Him, I am pretty
sure He loves me. I hope he loves me enough that when I pass on, He will create for me a Naubinway Nook. I hope that I will find my swing in my front yard looking at the Lake. I hope that I will see my boat next to the garage, ready to go, ready to fish. I hope I will still have my big garage---with all the tools in the tool crib ready to go and Northern Exposure on and a couple of guitars ready to play.

I hope that I will find you there, sitting in a chair, ready to talk, bond, and take it all in with me. Because this, well, this is a much better place to be….

Way tooooooo Longgggg....!!!!!!

I can't believe I haven't written on my BLOG in such a long, long time. Recently, many friends have criticized me for not writing. Thus, I will try to catch up and explain. Basically, I have been so busy living life in the U.P. to the fullest that I haven't had time to write. Between going to football games to watch my son catch his average of 1.5 touchdowns a game and play a stunningly good defensive end position---and then going to work of course----and then catching a few salmon out in front of the house from the boat---and home remodeling----and keeping in touch with my daughters----one in Cinci and one at Interlochen----and then finding time to nurture my relationship with my wife---SHEESH---it gets away from you. So, I resolve to get back into doing some writing.



There is a song by the Canadian Group "Great Big Sea" that I can't stop thinking about. Well, I can't even remember the title, but I do remember this line:



"I got problems and problems and problems and problems and I couldn't get to sleep last night....Laid awake for hours and hours and hours and I couldn't get out of the fight".



Well, it's something like that, anyway. It's amazing at how many days and hours a 51 year old man spends problem fixing. There is the patient population problem fixing---the aging cars we own problem fixing---the daughters away at school problem fixing----the son at home problem fixing---and of course the wife carrying the groceries and me having to go out and help here and wife problem fixing. My favorite T-shirt has this summed up on the front:



"Dad is the name, fixing is the game."



So, I fix things. I lay down tile floors in new additions. I tell my daughter where to go for her physical therapy. I set up physical therapy for my wife's aching shoulder. I keep the first aid kit fresh for the football team. I play music for the "Walk For Diabetes" event. I help my Chamber of Commerce with thier float for the October Fest Parade. I can go on and on and on about how involved I am at Church and in the Community and with my family. That's just what we do, we have to give back. There are so many of my friends who give back so much more than I. I can't tell you how much I admire my friend Ed for helping wounded veterans for example thru the "Healing Waters" Program. However, I have to answer my critics in summing up my life in the U.P.



I know many have said that once my life gets settled here with work and family and Church, etc., that enjoying the outdoors would become a thing of the past. That fishing would slowly become extinct. Such as it is with any move and living anywhere. When we lived in Florida, we used to go to beach every week for a year or so, then, it became a rare event---sadly. HOWEVER, you will be pleased to know that I have fished on almost a weekly basis as the weather allows. On Lake Millicoquins I catch pike, out in front, I catch salmon. I will continute to expand my fishing horizons even if weeks go by without a fish. I will continue to enjoy life despite the problems and problems and problems that we all have to face. Otherwise, we are just the walking dead, the zombie, the purposeless one.



As the leaves become orange and yellow and red and are conrasted against the evergreens, and the salmon start to run up river....I have changed over from brook trout fishing and blueberry picking to enjoying the cool air and ever changing skylines. Wow, that's an understatement---the wind and rain and sun and clouds change in minutes up here----but you can see it coming and happening off in the distance in 360 degrees---unencumbered by buildings and sky scrapers. You can't hear trains or cars or trucks, you can only hear the wind in the pines and you take in so many stars in the sky it is humbling.



I hope you find your day to be as good. I pray that you too can continue to live life month by month without a single thought or feeling of depression. That you can find your Creator in any form that He comes best to you as. Maybe as an "Aunt Jemina" form in the book "The Shack," Wow, what a great book---or maybe He or She comes to you in the endless stars above that I see as I lay on my dock. And isn't it great when He gives you the gift of a perfect day out front catching silvery, hard fighting salmon. I always say a thank you to God when that happens...what a great feeling. What a great feeling that you asked for this humble problem fixer to write some more!!!! Have a great DAY!!!! Always,

Jeff

"Hold-Over Trout"

OK, I’m a pretty bad BLOGGER, I only write every few weeks now, but then, nobody responds very much either, oh whoah is me…In any case, it’s ok if I’m just writing into my own journal anyway, I enjoy re-living my days in the U.P. The fishing has been awesome this spring. Last Thursday Dan and I caught 13 pike in two hours on Millicoquins Lake. Then, my friend Mark and I went out a few days later and caught some bass and more pike. Better than that though, is that the hold-over trout in the planted lakes have been amazing!!!! I couldn’t believe it!!!! I had heard about the hold-over trout, but never caught one, until today. What is a “hold-over” trout you ask? Well, that’s the ugly, almost dead, grayish trout that came up from the hatchery and can barely eat a fly it’s first few days in the trout pond. Somehow, by some miracle of nature, it finds a place under the ice in the winter, and finds lost of slugs and bugs and worms and flying creatures to eat and in the spring, the ugly duckling becomes the swan. And what a swan it is.

My first “hold-over” trout today I caught on Jocko Pond off the eastern dock. I saw it eating at the surface, but then going down towards the bottom every now and then. The day was crystal clear, like most are around here, so I figured a neutral weighted fly that will get down about a foot would be good, like brown. So, I tied on a brown, crystal flash wooly bugger and cast it with my five-weight into the general vicinity of the rise. On the first cast the devil came up from hell and I quickly knew I had a fish on. However, at first strike I assumed it was a new plant, hatchery trout and just toyed with it for a moment, pulling on the 5 feet of slack line at my feet and just keeping a little bit of tension on the rod. That was almost a fatal mistake when the trout ripped out all the slack instantly, burned my finger, and took my rod tip into the water to a depth of about two feet and I almost fell into the water as I struggled to “re-com-bob-u-late”. So, I pulled my rod tip up and held onto the slack and stepped back towards shore as I increased tension on the line and frantically reeled up the slack line at my feet. Soon, I had the fish on the reel and as soon as the connection was complete that fish took off and ate about 40 feet of line and jumped and rose I think about 8 times. However, I lost count as I was so busy just trying to keep my rod tip up.

Fortunately, what made this moment more magical is that my fishing buddy looked up and watched me from a distance, as some club members on an afternoon drive turned the corner to check out the action. So, I have an audience of three plus me as the beautiful rainbow is making its aerobatic jumps. My hand and arm is very sore right now from fighting it, but I enjoy every moment of the sore feeling, remembering that fish. I wasn’t exactly sure what I had until I started to get it within 20 feet of the shore. I noticed it had the rainbow down it’s side, but also had this neon green sheen to it. It kept going up and down and jumping and generally starting to make me look a little juvenile at times. However, as fate would have it, soon I had the trout in my hand. Well, after about 7 attempts at the weed line I finally had him in my hand (I forgot the net).

Imagine my surprise when I held a most beautiful rainbow trout in my hand, clean and beautiful and solid and shimmering it’s rainbow stripe amongst it’s green, almost leopard like vertical stripes and spots. Wow, I have caught a “leopard trout” in Michigan. I have only ever seen one before, in wilds of Alaska yet. This poor sap of a trout, reared in a hatchery, made it’s way in the wild---learned to live under the ice and find it’s daily meal and become what our God Almighty designed it to do. More than that, it reflected the colors and patterns of that rare rainbow leopard trout and also found my fly and eventually entered my hand. I held it up to my friend and I was thinking 18 inches, but he said it was more like 22, in any case, it was pretty sweet.

Now, you would think that an experienced fly fisherman like myself would have looked at the adipose fin. Was it clipped like a hatchery trout? Or, was it an indigenous trout? It sure looked and fought like the real thing. Or, was it one of those “hold-over” trout that become and assume the natural qualities of it’s ancestors? That would be so awesome if I found a natural-- However, I was so pleased and excited and looking at the total fish and it’s beauty, that I did not look at the adipose fin. What does it matter? The day was sunny and beautiful and awesome and to have a fish like that topped onto my ice cream of life is more than any man can hope for. Isn’t that like a good friend? It doesn’t matter what color he is, where he came from, what education he had or how good a fisherman he is but he makes your day a better one despite ourselves. You look at him or her thru the eyes of the big picture. You don’t pick apart his or her fins.

Thus, as with this fish, he made my day a much better one despite his origins. He made me a better person despite myself, he blessed me and gave me another day beyond what any man deserves. That is the beauty of life, we have a chance to become something better than a “hatchery trout”. We can find our way about whatever stream we are thrown into. We can adapt, overcome, improvise. Soon, battling a lack of food, cold weather, water, ice and near death at times, we become better. It doesn’t matter where we came from, it only matters where we are. And now, as we stand with the winds of adversity behind us, we are strong, and beautiful, and carry the stripes of a rainbow within our eyes.

Fishing, May 28, 2008

So here it is, the fishing report...as promised. Have to say, one of the best days of fishing of my life. However, all day long it rained, rained, rained. I was out last night trying to charge my boat batteries in the rain---trying to keep the electrical cord covered and not short out the battery charger in the boat, etc. Until 3 p.m. today I thought my fishing trip was trashed, rain, rain, rain. My fishing buddy and I were ready to call it a rain check. However, about 3:30 p.m. the clouds parted, the rain stopped, and I went to the gas station and filled up the boat with gas and picked up my buddy Dan and headed to the Lake. I don't think we were on the Lake 10 minutes when we started getting hits. After 13 pike plus along the weedline we stopped keeping count, we had so much pike blood and tackle scattered about the boat it was hard to keep up with it. We had double hook ups together---then there was the one where I hooked a pike, landed it, thru the line back in and hooked another on the cast---it was incredible. Then, Dan hooked into a BIG PIKE and fought it for a couple minutes until his rod SNAPPED into THEEE sections, no lie. Then Dan pulled everything in and holding the rod in sections managed to land that fish!!!! It was hilarious, line and rod sections floating in the Lake and he still managed to put it all together and land that fish!!!

The sun came out and warmed us to delight. The boat started on the FIRST turn of the key, the boat and trailer and truck and boat launch all cooperated to form a symphony of joy. Maybe I should have purchased a lottery ticket today, I have been so lucky. However, even becoming a multi-millionaire would not have purchased the day I had. A good friend, more fish than I can count, a beautiful clear sky, the wind laid down, and I became one with the fish and the sky and the sea, it just doesn't get any better than that!!! Tight Lines, Happy Fishing My Friend!!!
Jeff

Northern Exposure

Everyone has a favorite T.V. show. Michael and I, my brother, grew up watching and playing and always looking forward to watching SKY KING, one of the best T.V. shows of all time. Well, we only had four channels to chose from, but even today I like watching SKY KING, I have every episode if you want to come over and watch. It was about a rancher who flew a plane over his land, managing it, fighting off rustlers and evil, he was our hero. Mr. Kirby Grant, who played SKY KING, is still one of my heroes. In any case, in recent days, my favorite t.v. show is NORTHERN EXPOSURE. Well recent is relative, I think that my love of Norhern Exposure started in the 1990”s, but the year doesn’t matter much. In any case, I have every episode of that too, and watch it every now and then. However, my whole perspective on it has changed now that I am exposed to the ACTUAL Northern Exposure, the exposure to the Northern Woods.

In the t.v. show Norhtern Exposure, When Dr. Joel Fleischman first came to Alaska he was definitely a fish out of water, a New York City Boy placed into a small town where fishing and logging and dealing with cold and snow and winter were the life of everyday. This was not at all like catching the subway and going to the Met. Yes, here he was, thrust into the wilds of Alaska, a fish out of water. In the first episodes I saw I Identified with him. Afterall, I first moved up to Northern Michigan from the big city of Detroit. I was used to going to Tiger Stadium and Cobo Hall and seeing concerts and taking music lessons and generally being a big city boy. Then, here I was, cast into the wind of the Northern Michigan Winters and going from a junior high school of 600 (7th, 8th and 9th grades) to a High School in Pellston of 180. Yeah, that’s four classes, 9, 10, 11 and 12th grade about 180 at its peak. I think it’s much less than that now.

Yes, of course, I spent my summer vacations in Northern Michigan as a young boy, I stayed with my grandparents at the Lake. However, come August, I headed back to the Big City, I didn’t LIVE there, at the Lake. However, we moved up when I was in High School and LIVED there, but all I could think about then was getting out, and going to live in a Big City somewhere. Well, I did that, but the Big City caused me to seek to undo my wrongs and get back to the country of Northern Michigan. Yeah, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

So now, I’ve finally come back and I definitely live here in everyway, I work here, fish here, have friends here, my family is here. This is now home. Now, tonight, as I watch the t.v. show Northern Exposure, I find I can’t identify with Dr. Fleischman anymore, he’s like a fish out of water to me. I now identify with the folks who have been in that little town all their lives, wondering about this stranger who came from some big city and can’t understand how great life is here. I’m quite perplexed that he can’t find happiness in the forests and along the streams and in knowing everybody in town. This is life for me, everybody knows me, everybody knows what I have done and what I am about to do. In fact, today I was in a grocery store in Newberry some 27 miles from where I live and I saw a man from our little town of Naubinway. He asked me how I was and I said “great” and I was looking forward to going fishing tomorrow. He said yeah, he heard, he knew I was going fishing with a mutual friend tomorrow and the mutual friend was equally excited about it, in fact, the whole town knew about the fact that me, “Doc”, was finally going to go do some fishing. They were all talking about it and approved of the fact that I was going fishing with one of the areas best fishermen. They are happy that he and I are becoming friends, and equally happy that I could find sometime to go fishing. Now, think about that. How many people care and hope about whether or not you can get out and go fishing? Well, here, there are a few hundred people who really want me to go fishing tomorrow and want me to catch fish. They want me to be happy and have some time to do such things as go fishing. You know, I don’t think Dr. Fleischmen ever had that, maybe even Kirby Grant didn’t have such love and admiration. I am overwhelmed by it, humbled by it, and wonderfully pleased to be exposed to the Northern Woods way of life. I am very exposed, I can’t drive down my road without somebody knowing about it, I am “Northern Exposed”, and so happy about it beyond belief. I cannot express how great it is to be HOME.

God Bless,
Jeff.

Depression

My friend Eddy, who is the best friend ever made for anyone, told me I was depressed. I was slogging thru my days, feeling like I was doing a good job at my job but doing a terrible job of living my life. He said he didn’t understand it, considering I am married to the world’s most beautiful woman, have incredibly talented, smart kids, etc. Then, he figured it out, I was too far from home. He told me I needed to move back to my Michigan home and be with the freshwater sea and the hawks, eagles, seagulls and brook trout and hike thru the woods and cross-country ski and simply be me again. So, I took his advice and moved back to this winter-water-wonderland in the World’s most Spectacular Peninsula, the U.P.

I had actually talked to a psychiatrist colleague after the encounter with Eddy and he agreed, I was depressed. However, he didn’t get it either, I was living in a wonderful town in Ohio, married to the world’s most beautiful woman, have incredibly talented, smart kids, etc., how could I possibly be depressed? Sadly, I was. Now, don’t misunderstand my feelings about Findlay, Ohio, it is a great town, a family town, a wonderful place to be, if, well, you are from Ohio. But for a Michigan boy used to skipping school to go trout fishing with his Dad (yeah, he sanctioned it)---fishing on a May night until 10 p.m. when the “midnight sun” finally sets---hoofing it thru the swamp pulling along an aluminum canoe to find that magnanimous brook trout pond loaded with very ignorant fish that have never been fished at---well, Ohio sort of falls short of the glory.

Enter May, 2009, the World’s Most Best Friend Eddy says to me, and this is a paraphrase, not a direct quote, (because he is very precise and exacting sometimes and I cannot do him justice)---but, he said that it has “been great” to not see you depressed since April, 2008. I said “what do you mean?” He said that every time he called me on the phone in the past years my voice reflected being depressed, and just down, down, down. However, since I moved back to Michigan, he said, he hasn’t detected a hint of that old depression thing. Wow, that really hit me, and I started thinking about my life here in the U.P. I go to bed every night with my arms aching from the strain of re-modeling, hunting, shooting, fishing---moving timber and “stuff” from one garage to another and back again for the re-model and I realized I am no longer depressed. In fact, I couldn’t remember what that felt like, it was like a foreign country, really, it was weird, I couldn’t conjure up those sad emotions, hard as I tried, I couldn’t remember what that felt like, to be depressed. For now, I am so happy seeing the sun almost everyday over Lake Michigan. If the clouds come in, don’t worry, the southern wind will blow them away in a few minutes. Really, it is sunny over 300 days a year at my house---my weather station will attest to that. That’s the beauty of a “southern exposure”.

So, almost an entire year has passed since I felt those pangs of depression. I thought I was past that terrible abyss forever, until tonight. Yes, I have been free of depression for about a year until tonight. You see, my friend Eddy was up here visiting and hanging out with me for two weeks. Today, he had to go home, after-all, he has a wife and a life and a garage and a truck and some sort of southern exposure too. He was up here fishing with me, creating and building and laughing with me until the wee hours. We built bonfires on the beach, we built closets and attic rooms and he hung drywall and mudded and sanded until he worked himself into a pulp. I was long “mush” and tired before he was. However, when my arms gave out, he pushed me, encouraged me to go on, despite a body long unresponsive to motrin. The poor guy couldn’t even raise his arm above his navel after he was here with us, giving his life and soul and incredible strength to us. You have to understand, this friend, this man, has incredible strength beyond belief. I am not just talking about a long reach and physical strength, I am talking strength of character and perseverance and loyalty and “semper-fi” beyond belief.

You know, Eddy is not exactly a Christian, not a church-going guy, but he believes in love. He said to me yesterday, “my religion is my friends”, as I told him he was crazy to come up here and spend so much time helping out my ailing home and family. I was teary-eyed and just overwhelmed with his sacrifice. However, he could find joy in that, in fact, he could have fun in a freakin’ thunder storm and a hurricane. When the volcano blows, our Eddy would be putting up shutters and wiring a generator and keeping the anxious calmed with his sun-bursting presence---he is, the definition of friendship. He is a man’s man and easy in his skin and willing to go to the ends of the earth and to the cuts and ends of a 2 x 4 in an attic room full of crappy cellulose insulation for you. In short, he would give his life for you if you reach that inner circle of his friendship. Of all the friends I have had in my life, even Bible-Reading Christian friends and Pastors that sought to befriend me, they all fall far short of the glory of my friendship with Eddy---they always had too much to do when I needed them, but not Ed. Nope, not Ed.

Tonight I am reminded of those awful feelings of depression. Although I saw the Eagle fly, the sun shine over Lake Michigan and the seagulls chirping in my sleepy seaside, fishing village of wonderful people and joy, I am depressed. Yes, I feel those awful emotions again, yuck, sadness, despair, depression, yuck, where is God??? Where is joy??? My friend Eddy has departed, that is why I have these depressed feelings again. He has gone back to his own Love and his own Life and I am INCREDIBLY HAPPY for him at that. However, tonight is the first time in an entire year, that I feel those awful thoughts and pangs of depression, because our “Uncle Eddy” has gone back home. He, as always, left his sleeping place a better place. He, comes in to fill the void, he never takes anything, he has so much to give it is stifling. I only wish I had half the energy and love that is within him.

As I said above, I have had many “Christian” friends over the years, wonderful, incredible people, but they, like me, have too much selfishness within them---it’s so easy to say, “I can’t help you tonight because I have something I have to do”…. But, not Eddy, he always has that “something to do”, oh yeah, he always has “something to do” to help you, and be your friend, and support you and lift you up and care for you---he, in his profane way, exemplifies the Love of our very own God---he, sacrifices, restores, loves, brings you up near and over the mountain top because he loves you. I only wish everybody could have an Eddy like I do!!!! And then, the World would be a much better place!!!! Thank you Eddy, my friend, my brother, the definition of friendship and Godliness to his fellow man on this Earth!!!

The Wind of GOD (Songwriting)

I was listening to the “Coffee House” station on XM Radio tonight when they had a guitar playing, singer-song writer give a brief on one of his number one songs. He said he was traveling thru Northern California in his old, tired out van when it died along the road. He got it to the local mechanic who proceeded to tell him that his fuel pump was shot, and that it would be about $150 to repair it. Well, he didn’t have that much money and left the van at the shop. He wandered around, went into the local Safeway Store---one of those have almost everything stores that are scattered about Rural America. He was lost and wandering around wondering what the heck to do. He did have a credit card, but no income, no steady job or gig, no way to pay the bill on the card when it came in a month. Suddenly he heard a familiar song over the speaker system in the Safeway Store---he realized it was his own song, and relished in the fact that the record publisher finally released it. I’m sorry, I don’t remember the song or the artist, but he’s still around and is very good and very famous and now very rich. Thus, he went back to the mechanic and laid down his credit card and said “go ahead and fix it now”.

There it is, out of the blue fortuitous nature of random blessings, that man’s life changed in just a few moments. Things were “fixed”. He went from going up and down California in an old tired out van, playing in clubs for just enough money to get to his next gig, not being able to afford repairs on his van---to being a famous, wealthy song-writer. I too am thankful for the songs that occasionally go thru my head. These songs “fix” things for me nightly. Friends have told me I am a gifted song-writer. I have seen toughened Marines cry over a song I wrote about my daughters called “You’ll Always Be My Little Girl.” However, I still haven’t heard one of my songs over the Safeway Sound System. Until a lot of years ago, I still entertained the notion that one of my songs might make it out there on the airways, might touch someone, might make me rich and famous. Alas, that has not transpired and I realize that my opportunity to be a “young: singer, song-writer has come and gone. Here is a “snippet” on that one….

“What has happened to my princess?
You’ve become a woman of the world,
And you will do things, that I never will,
But to me you’ll always be, you’ll always be,
My little girl.

However, unlike many “one-hit-wonders” or angry musicians I have not opted to relish in the sadness and depression of what could have been and “waste my life away.” Instead, I have continued to lift my song-writer’s nose to the wind and search for the breath of the Creator and find a melody or a few words. You know, Beehtoven said that his music was simply a reflection of capturing the wind, the breath, the voice of GOD that’s always out there on the wind---you simply have to open your spiritual ears and you will hear HIM talking to you. How true is that?

A few short years ago we were asked to write a song for a couple’s wedding. I scribbled notes about song ideas and played a million chords over 3 months-- getting nowhere, in fact, I was downright frustrated and scared because now it was just a day before the wedding and I had NOTHING. I was trying, yes, ME, I, was trying to write a song. I forgot about the wind….I forgot about the breath of GOD….and then in my basement song-writers lair I prayed a simple prayer and asked my GOD for help with this song…I told HIM I was getting nowhere and was lost without HIM….and, as I picked up my pen it came as thus….

“There’s something really special about you,
it’s in your eyes….
There’s something really special about you,
It’s the Kingdom in your eyes…
I’m yours, you’re mine and we are one in Jesus’ eyes…


Well, there’s a lot more to the song, but that’s the gist of it, there is a marvelous Kingdom inside you, I can see it in your eyes---and that song has been played in a lot in coffee houses, etc. to pretty good reviews, but can’t you see that in your true love’s eyes? Something magical, something so special even beyond earthly love? Yes, it’s heaven, a little taste of heaven that you get when you look into those shimmering eyes and see someone loving you beyond belief, beyond what you know you deserve or could ever hope for. There is a Kingdom of God in there.

And that is the gift of songwriting---something beyond anything I could ever do alone. Something that carries me on the wind of GOD to this day. Something that no matter what, I always have something special to rely on, something that not everybody gets. You have something I don’t, and I admire you for it---but I tell you, I am so blessed and thankful to share the next song with you. May you walk outside and take a little sniff of fresh air and find a song in your heart today too. May you sail on the Wind of GOD and soar beyond your earthly woes and troubles and pain and find the freshness of a new song on the WIND OF GOD.

Standing Ovation

They say that when you are about 9 years old your interests and activities will be the harbinger of your life to come. They say that what you love to do then will be what you love to do when you are a working adult or an old man or lady. Now they is the smartest man that ever lived, we all know that….remember, what will they think of next? What did they ever mean by that? What where they thinking? Yeah, that they guy is a pretty smart dude, or your enemy depending on your perspective. In my case, it is so true, I remember when I was 9 I got my first guitar, and still wish I had it, could hold it, play it. But alas, it was a rental that my mother got me along with the lessons. After I quit going to lessons due to attitudinal adjustments my mother took the guitar back. What was wrong with that woman? (Yeah right). However, there were many other guitars to follow, thankfully. It was also the same time I was out searching the woods for “pollywogs” and bugs and lots of different critters. Enter the first of many “microscope” and “chemistry” youth sets. These were filled with a myriad number of tools and collection bottles and microscopes and chemicals for experimentation. I still have the biology text book from that era. I wore those kits out. Then, there was also the first fishing pole my Dad gave me and helped me learn to use…talk about conflicted!!! What was this boy to do with his life???

I also remember spending hours in our “kid’s room”in the basement working with these toys, having a great time in the shadow of my brother’s “Easy Bake Oven Kit”. Although he never became a professional Chef, he’s a damn good cook and a great host. Me, well, I have taken the love of “critters” and science into being a physician. Before that, I took the love of being in the field and collecting critters into being a marine scientist. I also parlayed my Father’s gift of the fishing pole and his love of fishing into a lifelong passion. However, all the while, I have felt the winds of music on the breeze and continued to play guitar and write songs until the present moment. In short, I was always conflicted about what to do with my life and wonder what would have happened if I had continued down the musical pathway. Actually, I now know, that of all I do, writing Nook Notes, Doctoring, being a scientist, and even fishing, I am at my best at writing songs and playing guitar. That may not be true for the listening public, but in my heart I am at my best during that time. I think at this point I have written more songs than the Beatles. Certainly, I have written more than Dolley Parton who I am told wrote around 300. If you ever get really bored, you can come verify this fact for yourself and dig thru my boxes of songs and notes about songs and get really tangled in the mess along with me!

After the age of nine we go on and experiment with many options, but once in awhile they remind us about the path in life we should take---tonight I was reminded about it once again. They was a crowd of people in the local coffee shop. Can you believe it? Yeah, we have several local coffee shops/restuarants in Naubinway. We have Shirley’s Cove, Beaudoin’s Café, Captain Carl’s, Pizza Pronto, The Country Girl Diner and then the Anchor Inn. In any case, only two of them have live music, Shirley’s Cove and the Anchor Inn. It wasn’t long before the bug to perform within me met up with another passionate musical soul (Tim) and along with my wife, the definition of music, we formed a singing trio.

Now, this Trio stemmed from Church, Tim being the Pastor, and my wife and I helping out on the music in Church. Well, that kind of makes bars or even Shirley’s Cove a tough venue, but thankfully the Anchor Inn was willing to have us perform. They were willing to have us play an eclectic mix of folk, pop, rock, bluegrass and gospel. So tonight was our debut. We were totally unplugged, no kidding, there was no sound system---we had to fill a very large room with original songs, gospel songs, bluegrass songs and Van Morrison and Eric Clapton and a myriad number of other songs without the benefit of electronics. I must admit I had a lot of trepidation. However, the concept of being right among the audience intrigued me. The night did not fail me. The audience was incredible, they joined in singing along even with original songs, clapping, stomping their feet and at the end, giving us a STANDING OVATION. I have never experienced a standing ovation, ever, it was amazing. As I reflect on it now, I can see why. There was this magical thing that happened, the two guitars blended so well, and Jomay on her keyboard filled in the gaps, and the harmonies blended and echoed into the room in a pleasant whisper of songs and talent. I, my partners, and the audience were transfixed. I can’t stop thinking about it. I remember looking in my wife’s eyes many times, and Tim’s, and just relishing in the energy that surrounded us. We were so blessed to have this opportunity, and the audience we had, and the gift of music.

During the intermission our daughters sang, and played, and lifted us all. I followed that with a song I wrote, “You’ll Always Be My Little Girl”. I moved up into the center of the room to play it and I think, really connected with the audience. I think I really embaressed my little girl, but in the long run, I think she appreciated it. Tim was amazing on guitar as usual. It is so much fun to play with somebody better than you, you learn so much, we really connected on it.

Now, as I sit here and write, I reflect on the career in music that could have been. I used to be saddened by it. I would get downright depressed about not “quitting my day job” and going into music. However, now I don’t care about what I didn’t do. I only relish the moment that we had tonight and what we did do. I realize that, well, that is what music does, it takes you away from taxes and work and unfilled dreams and depression and anxiety. It doesn’t matter if it’s your vocation or avocation, it is there for you. It is a power that captures the breath of God from the air and transforms you into an angel. Yes, an angel, even for a brief second, you become the vessel for transmitting beauty, grace and love from the Great Power. So, it is in fact, music, it's a “living” for me. It is the living power and love of music that echoes in my life from 9, to hopefully 90. I thank God for it, I thank my last band Script for it, I thank Tim and Jomay for it. Importantly, I thank the audience tonight for it, being there with me in it, and giving me the first standing ovation of my life.

Correction

Ruminants, yeah, the title was not spelled correctly, isn't that just par for the course. And forget me trying to spell that Manhattan, Manhatten town correct. I've been there anyway---and liked it. I'm glad you can laugh with me and my early Alzheimer's dementia.

The Herd (Runinants)

It started innocently enough. Although I am living in Paradise, I was saddened by the lost of my beloved pet boxer Abby, and am trying to fill the void. So, I bought a few deer pellets for RUMINANT ANIMALS (Thanks Ed for SP) and invited Momma Doe and her yearling for dinner on a daily basis. They soon equated the shape of the green suburban coming down the road about 4 or 5 p.m. with a bucket full of corn or deer pellets and would come down to the beach and wait in the trees nearby for me to lay down the pellets. It was really cute to see those two deer trying to hide behind leafless trees---thinking I couldn’t see them---with their ears perked up, standing motionless, looking at me incessantly, thinking they were invisible. The truth is, I could see every detail of their eyes and fur. However, they really depend upon motion as a sense more than seeing distinct objects. So they equate that to me---thinking if I don’t see them move, they are invisible. I have found I can stand within a few feet of them and as long as I am motionless, I am invisible. Remember the movies about the dinosaurs, the raptors, and the characters being a few inches from a Raptor and being “invisible” as long as they didn’t move? Well, that trait has certainly carried on into my Michigan Deer.

I would laugh out loud and chuckle with this wisdom. As I talked out loud I sounded eerily like my friend Julie---who would chuckle that way about Abby. When Abby would try to “butter up” to Julie for a snack---thinking Julie didn’t have a clue about Abby’s motivations with the short wagging tail---Julie would chuckle in the tone much like I chuckle over my deer. Isn’t it fun to watch someone you love try to get something from you when they don’t think you know their motivation and you don’t care anyway even though YOU know because you love them so much you’d give them anything anyway????

Be that as it may, after countless dinners the Deer have started to trust me and have little fear of me to the point where I can pour corn within a few feet of them and they tolerate me. Well, maybe that’s because they are pretty hungry from the long cold winter, although some roots are showing now and they can fill themselves more readily. Still, they are hungry enough to go to the edge of trust with me. They really like drinking water from my stream and kicking up the succulent roots that have been at stream temperature all winter. A couple weeks ago those shoots were hidden below ice and snow. However, now spring is coming rapidly, the birds are returning, deer food is being exposed. Soon, the Great Lake itself will be exposed again.

The commercial fishermen are involved in a flurry of activity everyday, trying to get out on the ice with the trucks and snowmobiles and bring back the whitefish before the final meltdown and blowing winds break up the ice. Yesterday they went out 16 miles past the Naubinway Lighthouse and brought back 3,700 pounds of whitefish. They bring the fish up thru the ice on gill nets, and load a wooden sled with tall walls to the max and tow it back. All this over 18 inches of ice some 16 miles from shore. Is that a job you want? Can you imagine going out there and hearing the ice creak and moan, going over cracks and fissures and feeling the waves move under you and bob you up and down. You can’t wear a survival suit, it slows you down too much to fish. You just trust the elements and the ice in order to make the living. Should things go bad, it’s not likely you would live. As much as I admire the Coast Guard, and my friends within it, they wouldn’t get to my fishermen friends in time in the frigid waters of Naubinway from the Traverse City Air Base.

I just went out on the ice cross-country skiing yesterday, over anywhere from 1 to 5 feet of depth of water beneath me. I took virtually no risk compared to my commercial fishermen friends. However, as I skied the ice creaked and moaned and moved about and I must admit, it unnerved me at times. At first I told myself to relax, I can’t drown in 5 foot of water. But then, I invisioned myself going down thru the ice in 5 feet of water with a pair of almost 7 foot long skis on. It would be damn near impossible to get them off in the ice cold water---in fact, I realized, I could drown in much less than 5 foot of water. However, I persevered and continue to enjoy the ecstasy of being out on the lake on skis with the morning sun coming up. You can’t imagine unless you join me in it. I am facing the east, watching the sun come up over the ice and the cedar trees, out there all alone, without a sound except the ice and wind, maybe a coyote, feeling the faint warmth of the sun on my face, knowing I am part of a greater thing than myself. It really makes the day go by so much better, exercising first thing in the morning like that. Anyway, back to the story.

Such are the deer—willing to risk going out on the edge with a human, me, in order to survive, make a “living”, despite the potential fact that I could take out my pistol and have enough venison forever right in my front yard. But, they have to go out on the edge, because they are hungry, as are my commercial fishermen friends, going out on the edge because their families are hungry.

Well, the news got out. It got out that I am unarmed when I feed my pets, my deer, and shake the bucket full of corn and say reassuring words and have plenty of food to share. It wasn’t long and we had a couple of young bucks joining the herd. Before I could cough and blink I inherited 14 deer now. They are about 1/3 bucks and 2/3 does, pretty good odds I’d say that the bucks will have a good spring. About half of them trust me, and stay within a few feet when I pour the corn. The other half take off running about 50 yards away and watch me, and as soon as they see me go back into the house they come back and have their dinner. I am sure that someday soon they too will become closer friends. I went from one bag of week of feed to about 6 bags of feed a week now.

Yes, it started innocently enough, but now I am become Pandora, and am holding an open box. Because, in addition to feeding the deer, I have been putting out salt blocks and alfalfa and bird seed in feeders and now I have blue-jays, chickadees, too many red squirrels (including “Fast Freddy”), crows, black birds and chipmunks. Virtually every living critter within several miles now equates my house with home, and mom’s cooking, and SANCTUARY. Isn’t that a great thing to be? A sanctuary for someone or some thing? Isn’t that the love of a mother for her children, always offering sanctuary. Isn’t that the love of my friend Ed to come help me work on this never finished housing project? Isn’t that the love of God, to give his Son Jesus, creating a sanctuary for you? Yes, I like being here and each day having these most beneficial thoughts inspired by all around me. God Bless You This Day, thanks for listening, and may you also find your SANCTUARY among the Herd.

Wildlife

The wildlife here at the Nook is incredible. We have so many mammals and birds and such I cannot imagine ever seeing them all in my lifetime. Since Abby died I have started feeding them. I feed the deer, the squirrels, the blue-jays, the Eagles, the chickadees, the woodpeckers, and anybody else that saunters by. There is such a show in front of my house now, that visitors have commented on how it’s like being in a “living zoo”, like watching fish in an aquarium, etc. I have tried to relay the phenomenon to city folks and they “think that’s cool”, well, they obviously don’t get it. Then I talk to my country folk friends and tell them about the button buck who capitalizes the corn and the momma doe who pushes even him away to let her yearling eat as they rise up on their hind legs and box each other---a few feet out from my window and they say, yeah, “we see the wildlife here too.” Well, ummm, I really don’t think you are seeing it quite the way I am…I gotta try to describe this scenario, because it isn’t like anything you or I have ever witnessed I don’t think…let me try.

OK, you are sitting in a big, beautiful leather easy chair. Ten feet in front of you are big picture windows. It is very warm inside, although it is cold outside, the sun is out, and Lake Michigan spans out in front of you. The Big Lake is frozen at least to Beaver Island and as far as you can tell, all the way to Chicago. You are at the very tip of Lake Michigan. You can walk to the frozen Lake in about 100 feet. Soon, Fast Freddy the squirrel comes out and pecks at the corn, all the while looking for the deer who come each day and eat the most of it. He eats a bit, then “squirrels” it away into his den every 5 minutes. I don’t think he likes the deer, although from the little snow fort he has made in the rocks by the corn, he can come in and out with reckless abandon and grab some! I think Freddy has several homes now. I was so impressed that he burrowed a snow fort in amongst the rocks by the corn piles---this is a good 20 yards from his main home by the old stump. Suffice it to say, the rock home is the “winter cottage”.

Now, as the movie unfolds, here come the blue-jays, they flutter in and out of the cedar trees two at a time, picking up corn and flying back up when the have had enough. Then the chickadees come swarming in and out hitting the bird feeders and picking up a piece of corn now and then. Around 1630 hours, within 2 or 3 minutes, no lie, Momma Doe comes with her yearling and supervisors his eating. She makes sure the yearling gets first dibs, and has a few mouthfuls before button buck shows up and starts pushing the other deer away from the pellet/corn pile. The rearing up on the hind legs and boxing with hooves only lasts for a few seconds, as they realize that there are at least two piles of feed, enough for everyone, and they position in and out of the piles, to the beach and back, filling their mouths to their ruminent interiors. Then, old lonely lady doe with her big long scar down her side shows up and just slowly saunters to the feed pile and eats and everybody moves out of the way. She doesn’t even look up to see her competition, she just eats to her fill and walks away. Even button buck moves aside. The scar on her side looks like an arrow sliced down it sometime ago, but never penetrated---and she carries on. Soon there are a total of Eight deer feeding in and out of the piles.

It used to be that they would all be out there feeding and I would open the door and they would take off running madly. However, I made sure to turn and walk up and away toward the big garage and not say much. After a few weeks they became accustomed to me going in and out. Now, when I go outside, they just stand their chewing, looking at me. I talk to them a little, and as long as I stay about 20 yards away, they just perk their ears up and watch me. Slowly, I am gaining their trust. According to the old timers around here, by spring they will be eating apples out of my hand. That is my goal, to have the “wildlife” become a part of this complex and family. I know, I should probably fatten them up and “harvest” one of them now and then like the good hunters and farmers do. However, I cannot betray the trust now, this is their sanctuary, their little respite from the coyotes and wolves and terror of the cold winter. Although they are wild animals and provide us with a view of “wildlife”, I am amazed at how tame they are becoming in my presence. I am amazed at how like “Pavlog’s Dogs” they equate the return of the Green Suburban and the 50 year old man’s voice with food, and security, and sanctuary. Isn’t it great to secure such trust? Isn’t it great to sit and watch nature unfold like a big aquarium out your front picture window? I simply have to get video of this for you—it is a rather amazing daily event that you just have to see!!!!

The Seney Stretch

When you leave Naubinway and travel West you have two basic options. You can go West on US-2 or drive North up 117 to M28. US-2 will take you along Lake Michigan to Escanaba and beyond to Wisconsin. M28 will take you along Lake Superior to Marquette and points up North and then again to Wisconsin and Minnesota. My favorite path is to go up 117 to M28 and go thru the “Seney Stretch”. This is a very strait road that travels thru National Forest for about 90 miles. Along that stretch you see so many rivers I lost count. Some of them are very small, not big enough for a Kayak, others are big enough for a jet boat. In any case, there are more Trout in there that any man could ever throw a fly at in a lifetime. However, it’s strait, and it’s sleepy. Except for the occasional deer, eagle or snowmobile crossing, it puts you to sleep. It’s the best sleep aid I have ever taken. Fortunately, this weekend I had my wife with me, who was full of iced tea and well prepared to drive. I took her on a surprise Valentine’s Weekend Trip. She didn’t know where she was going. As I handed the key over to her, I told her about all the folks who have lost their life on the “Seney Stretch”. Or worse, those who had their bodies battered after falling asleep and running into a tree and then did months of physical therapy. They are never the same, with pins and rods in broken bones and ever carrying on with a limp. Well, she took it to heart and I arrived in Marquette completely whole. Well, whole is relative, I am certainly not as “whole” as I was when I was 24. Nevertheless, I was alive. I learned later that I missed the best part of the drive, where M-28 goes along the Lake Superior Lake Shore, past the beautiful log homes and parks and beaches. I slept.

Anyway, we had a great Valentine’s Day in Marquette. First, we checked into our Hotel and then I took her to Elizabeth’s Chop House. Now, this restaurant could easily be in Manhatten, and hold a candle to it. The ambience with the old brick walls, big windows looking out at Lake Superior, and the “seafood parfait” appetizer and then lamb and prime-rib was totally excellent. After that we enjoyed the Marquette Symphony Orchestra performing a Brahms Symphony and then a Beethoven Piano Concerto….Well, they were pretty nervous with the Brahms during the first two movements. The violas were pretty darn good, but the second violins were somewhere between high school and up. The third movement was heavenly, finally together. Then, when we got to Beethoven and the pianist, they were pretty warmed up and it was rather amazing. Three standing ovation encores brought the pianist back for a Brahms Hungarian Theme piano solo---it was very magical, being in the North Woods and hearing such beautiful music. I reflected on the passing of one of the founding members of the Symphony Board that the concert was dedicated to. That’s rather amazing, what a legacy, that some dedicated musicians could bring a string program up among the loggers and fishermen and burley outdoorsmen. In fact, it was really quite a “stretch”. A long stretch over the long miles of roads thru the “Seney Stretch” and millions of acres of forest.

The next day I took my “main squeeze” shopping and she told me how much she loved me and appreciated my Valentine’s Weekend Surprise. She told me so many times that it reiterated all the reasons I married her. She loves me, appreciates me, needs me, courts me, loves to be with me. She even enjoyed driving the Seney Stretch---especially when we went by the cell phone towers---as you have about 7 miles on each end of them to talk to daughters and mothers and friends. You city folks take that for granted. Many times we are watching for towers up here as we drive, and holding up the cell phone and waiting for those bars to come up. Then we try to get the call in before it drops out again. Then again, we also enjoy the time we don’t have the bars---nobody can find us!!!

When we arrived back at the Naubinway Nook, I realized what a “stretch” it is do all I have undertaken to make this complex livable. You can’t imagine all the unfinished walls and electrical wires and plywood and 2x4’s and speaker wire and cedar docks and winterized boats and lawnmowers sprawled out over 4 lots. It is bigger than me and beyond me. I finished a couple closet additions and felt pretty good about it, only to go back to the big great room that binds itself and an unfinished kitchen and Lake Michigan Front Yard together. There is a gorgeous pine paneling ceiling in there, and insulation, but no drywall and no tile floor. Then there is Jeff’s room---rather amazing too with the loft and beautiful pine stairway I built up to it---the cedar-lined closet---the big cathedral ceiling with the ceiling fan. However, it’s really an incredible stretch to think I could have these rooms even done by spring. Then, come April, the chosen men and women will be back to go even further out the back, adding another bedroom guest apartment/attached garage. In short, it’s much bigger than me and a “stretch” to think I could ever do this alone. Invest in the Nest? Oh Yeah, right.

I have come to the conclusion that my time on my weekends would be much better spent “moonlighting”, working in remote clinics on Islands or Urgent Cares, etc. and taking the money and handing it over to my contractor. In four long weekends I can make enough money to build the back bedroom and attach it to the garage. In eight long weekends I could make enough to build the guest apartment. In twelve weekends I could make enough to finish all I have unfinished. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to stick to “doctoring”, and leave this very hard, physical work, to those who need it and depend upon it. My contribution to the human race will be better spent with a hemostat and a stitch or a prescription pad in my hand. Of course, I can still run speaker wire and fine tune the recording studio out here in the “big garage”---but I’ve finally seen the “stretch” is too big for me, and it’s time to reel it in. Another epiphany, as I feel the pain of bilateral epicondylitis in my arms (tennis elbow)---sore feet, and ever exposing myself to sawblades that can take fingers off, etc. In short, it’s time to stick to what I do best and then have a little time left over to catch a few trout…time to narrow the stretch and call in the “marines”. God Bless, and may your “stretches” become narrow inches and something you can stick into your pocket with one hand and then do some fishing along the beautiful Seney Stretch.

Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day is one of the most special days of the year for our family. First and foremost, it is because it is Sarah’s Birthday. We are so proud that Momma popped her out on Groundhog Day and we saw her shadow in the sun and enjoyed an early spring. Also, it meant we were heading “up north” from Ohio to enjoy a week of skiing at Boyne Highlands during the annual family/conference ski-week. We always celebrated Sarah’s Birthday at some venue around the Highlands, or in Petoskey with just ourselves, with friends, or friends and family. It was always a special week because of her birthday and the fact that we were in Michigan enjoying the great outdoors. By the end of the week all our cheeks were rosy red from windburn or eczema and the hot tub and our muscles pleasantly sore. For me, the end of the week was particularly painful because I knew I wouldn’t be back to ski that year at the Highlands, and had to go back to Ohio. Now, don’t get me wrong, Ohio Folks are great and so is the State and its Universities, but it doesn’t have Boyne Highlands and my Lake Michigan as my front yard. We are a skiing family (or snow-boarding) and love the snow. Back in Ohio, snow was fleeting, ephemeral and unpredictable. Here, you can really stake a lot of widgets on the fact that you can ski every day starting in mid December and January and February at least.

Well, let’s fast forward to Groundhog Day 2009. Now, we are living in the great outdoors of Michigan and have been getting our fill of cross-country skiing and snow-boarding and started into down hill again. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised when our Sarah asked that for her 16th Birthday we take her to Boyne Highlands to ski. So, we loaded up the truck and headed to Pellston and west on Pleasant View Road and up to the Highlands. It takes about 1 hour and 15 minutes from the house when the roads are dry---pretty good for Northern Michigan standards, and we were there. It was quickly apparent that my Sarah and Jeff were far better skiers than us now. They were doing 3 runs to our 1 and diamonds and double diamonds and leaving us in the dust, uhh, sorry, snow. So, Mom and I headed off to the green circle runs and had a delightful time watching the ski school groups of young children and their instructors go up the lifts and down the hills. It reminded me of when we had our little cherubs up there, learning the ropes and the slopes. But now, they were better at it than I. I was very pleased by that, proud of that and smiled abreast at that. Going up a long lift I reflected that we have given them a great gift, the knowledge and skills and love of downhill skiing and winter sports. They can commissurate with anybody I think. They have had experiences beyond most teenagers-- living in Norway for a month at age 12, auditioning for movies in New York City, skiing, golfing, playing piano and percussion and guitar and on and on and on….More let’s say, than either Mom or Dad had, despite the best attempts of our parents. What gifts they have been blessed with….

But, you know what, no matter how much they reflect their gifts, or out-ski me or surpass me in everything they do, they will never experience as much joy as I. Because, they will probably not have a daughter born on Groundhog Day, who has the most beautiful eyes in the whole wide world----who on her birthday, asked that we do something together as a family that will always be so very special to us. It was her idea, she wanted us to go back to that special place and remember, celebrate, not just her birthday, but FAMILY, us, the outdoors, being together---that special “National Holiday” for us, Groundhog Day. We tried giving her gifts and celebrating her birthday and out doing Sarah---but alas, she out-did us all by reminding us what is most important---being together in a special place, enjoying our physical strengths as they meet the outdoors, family, family, family, our Sarah will always be a missionary for Family---always be the one that comes out and sees the shadow and turns to the sun.

Epiphany

The operative word for today is epiphany. Isn’t that a beautiful word? I can’t say it enough, four beautifully flowing syllables that reflect the meaning of the word when you say it out loud. When you say it, you feel something new, feel re-born, like you realized or have seen something for the first time or had a life changing event. There are very few words in the English Language that musically say what they mean, but that is one of them. There is little I can say positively about the French, but their language is a musical one that perhaps has no equal. However, there is one word that we share that rises above all others, “epiphany”. Actually, I don’t know what the French equivalent of it is ---probably, epiphany. Nevertheless, I have had several today, and could care less about the French.

My first epiphany is that my beautiful deer pets are more complicated than I first reported. As we laid out corn for their dinner and watched them nibble in peace for the first few times, we viewed an idyllic Walt Disney Film with Bambi in it. However, as the winter drags on and food gets scarce, they come down and become very territorial over their food. Today I witnessed the biggest Momma Doe rise up on her hind legs and fend off 7 other deer including a small buck and other Momma Does with their yearlings. Big Momma Doe allowed her yearling to come in and feed at will, but woe to the competition! I could not believe how aggressive she was---rearing up on those sharp hooves and boxing with them! I never want to be on the other side of that!. One epiphany is that Darwin is definitely right, the fittest survive. That’s probably a good thing, we don’t want unfit beings running the show. That would not be good. But then, that led to another epiphany, with all the options we have for unfit people to lead, they do rise to power and weakly run the show into oblivion. I think of Jimmy Carter for one…..but, I’m not forming analogies yet….well, actually, I think Jimmy Carter is a strong human being with a great faith and is a likeable guy, but let’s face it, he was a very weak President. He wouldn’t have been president of the forest out there feeding on deer pellets if he was with Washington, Lincoln and Reagan and only one could survive.

But the biggest epiphany of the day was my daughter “Ellie” calling me asking if I would be upset is she ended up in a different career than the one she has been on path for the last 10 years or so. She said she has realized that the competition for those spots in her job are very fierce, and would rather be in something she could enjoy going to work each day for and not have to cut somebody’s throat for in order to get a paycheck. Making a living at this new career would be a plus. Well, I thought, after seeing the deer, this is much better than having to face the big Momma Doe with the hooves raging at her. She had quite the epiphany, and thankfully so at a much younger age than I, she is seeing the big picture. She is looking ahead at a time with wisdom much beyond her years. That is another epiphany for me, seeing my daughter for the first time perhaps as an adult. I wish I had so much insight and wisdom at 20. Plus, here she is calling and asking me for advice. Now, that was a pleasure and treat beyond belief!!!! It was one of the most pleasurable moments of my life, to have my beautiful daughter, who has an IQ way above mine, call and ask me for my advice.

It is very clear to me that Ellie will continue to be the fittest to survive. She is beautiful, intelligent, dedicated and loves her family and the LORD OF ALL. I have always thought these things about her, never doubted her. However, tonight I had another epiphany, my loving baby daughter, is now a WOMAN. A gracious, loving, incredible woman who is not only my baby daughter, but my friend…..isn’t that an awesome thing to think about…. What a moment, what a joy when your baby girl also becomes your friend and confidant. What a joy, what an epiphany!!!!

The Winter of Snow

Folks around here remember a lot of cold, snowy winters. It seems as if during every storm I hear from an old timer that: “this is nothing, you should a been here during the winter of…” However, even the old timers will say that this one ranks right up there. Somewhere here there should be a picture of my front yard if it uploaded, so please refer to it.

Lake Michigan is frozen as far as you can see with my telescope. The berm you see out there a few hundred yards are the rocks of Millicoquins Reef. As the waves splashed against the rocks they froze and marked them. That’s generally as far as we go out skiing, pretty safe inside the berm. All the tracks you see in the snow by the trees down there are deer hoove marks. This will become important in our little story in a moment. Anyway, the drift behind our little garage is about 5 foot high and the walkway has four foot snow walls from the drifts. We are enjoying snow-shoeing and cross country skiing and making the best of it, but deer are taking it particularly hard. I have noticed a doe and her yearling around our house a lot and so I started buying corn and leaving it out for them. They have been regular visitors to our house and I started talking about them to my wife a lot. It wasn’t long when she said “you know that you took an interest in these deer soon after Abby (our pet boxer) died.” That really hit me, I had said that I would never get another pet, but it looks as if I have two new ones. I was telling a neighbor about the deer, well, let’s me digress a bit and talk about that term neighbor as it applies here. This nice neighbor lives about ¾ mile away but he’s one of my closest ones. Neighbor here generally means anyone within a few miles of your house. OK, that being said it turns out he’s been feeding those two deer apples. They are regularly seen in town and along our road. He also relayed that another neighbor is feeding them sugar beets. Well, that would explain why our Naubinway pet deer look so healthy with full coats and speedy legs while other deer I have seen are looking pretty scrawny. So you see, these deer make a regular loop every day, hitting our house for corn and then the neighbors for apples and beets. Another neighbor I saw in the barber shop told me that this will be good for me, as next hunting season they will be ready for the “harvesting”, nice and plump venison. “Well, uh, nah, I don’t think so” I said. “These deer are kind of becoming pets and would be pretty hard for me to shoot them.”

I am very impressed by the tenacity, perseverance and intelligence of these animals. Our Sarah has taken a lot of pics of them and I would like to include them here but she is out of town for a few days and has her camera with her. So, maybe next time. My lovely wife said that this is all about my “maternal instinct” to take care of something. I corrected her and said I think you mean “fraternal instinct” but that’s her perspective. I reflected on that for hours, realizing that I have always had that. That’s why I went into medicine, I like taking care of living things. The same instinctual “beast” that I complain about, always having to take care of somebody, is at the same time the thing that drives me. It has been a fresh breeze in my day, helping me smile as the folks come in with their ailments, and generally seeing them get better is a joy. I hope you find something like that to make you smile today too. Stop and take a minute and find out what drives you, it’s a lot of fun. Those deer are driven by instinct to survive. That doe will do anything for that yearling and is constantly teaching it the ways of the North Woods, avoiding coyotes and wolves and logging trucks. I held Abby in my arms and petted her and whispered to her during her final breaths. I had a wet towel that I used to keep her tongue and mouth moist. We nurtured her until the end, my lovely wife and I together. I think we are all driven by some degree with the instinct to “doctor”, to nurture, we, the deer, etc., are much closer than we think, aren’t we?

Grace Under Pressure (Abby's Song)

I wish I could demonstrate and be an example for the term “Grace Under Pressure” but I fall too far short of the goal. Yesterday I realized I am not half the man I want to be as I held my dog Abby in my arms as she took her last breaths and passed away. Although I handled it well during her death for my family and acted as the strong one, cleaning up the mess and wrapping her in her Pokemon Blanket that she slept on when she was in the garage, it was when alone again I realized my shortcomings. I realized that sometimes I loose my temper, sometimes I hold a grudge, sometimes I bite the hand that feeds me and sometimes I’m just a pain in somebody’s side. But, Abby was never any of those. Abby was the best dog I ever had as a friend, really, she was the best dog that ever walked this earth. I’m not just biased in saying that, anyone that knew her would tell you that. Why? Because she exemplified “grace under pressure”, never lost her temper, never held a grudge and loved the hands that fed her even when they ignored her. In short, she was a 60 pound bundle of pure love that will forever be missed. She was a loving and gentle spirit, intelligent, and always wanting to please.

When she was young she would walk for miles with me, “box” like boxers do and wrestle and snuggle and sleep with the kids as they worked thru their nightmares. Her only sins in life, if you could call it that, is that she bit the UPS man when he handed me a package once, and would rather have her butt rubbed than her head. I wish I could say those were my worst sins, and she only bit that man because she thought she was protecting me. Then, she became old, diabetic, fighting liver disease, arthritis, multiple growths and moles and couldn’t even take a walk with us anymore. For awhile, we would do one or two block walks with her for “doggy physical therapy”, but about 7 months ago she couldn’t even do that anymore. In fact, many times in the past weeks we had to help her up the stairs to get back into the house after doing her business. However, because she wasn’t in any visible pain and enjoyed her daily food, I resisted the temptation to “put her down”. She was still happy, despite not being able to see, hear or walk much, she was still happy just being Abby and getting her ears scratched once in awhile. She particularly liked laying in front of the fireplace, so many nights I would make her a fire, and let her lay there enjoying the glow.

When the urinary and fecal incontinence visited Abby I was angry at first, I would yell at her, but I thank our Almighty God that’s all I did---I never spanked her, etc., I knew she didn’t do it on purpose, she simply couldn’t hold it. I then would put her in the heated garage all day and let her pee and poop with reckless abandon. I didn’t enjoy the clean up after a full day at work and I am sure I cursed her many times, but then I would go in and eventually give her the big dog doggy milk bone she knew she would get every nite about 8 p.m. It didn’t matter if I was upstairs of outside or downstairs, she knew when it was 8 and time for her bone and she would find me and nod at me or beckon me or lead me to the cabinet where the bones were. She was so happy and content after getting that simple morsel, I wish I could please my fellow man so easily…

The day before she died Abby was not well, she couldn’t get up without help, she didn’t care about food. The next day she wouldn’t go outside or get up. She was just laying there in the living room, breathing hard, very lethargic. Fortunately, I came home for lunch and Jomay asked me to look at her. As I listened to her heart and chest with my home stethoscope, saw her eyes and mouth, etc., I realized she was in her last stages of death. She had no pain, and when I told Jomay she was dying we just held her together, saying her name and petting her and she seemed so very happy to spend her last moments with us. My son Jeff told me he thought she was very sick and would die that day when he saw her in the morning. What is mind boggling to me is that she lay there, for hours and hours, in her final moments, and would not give up her ghost until I was there. I wasn’t home 30 minutes when she died. You know how we humans hang on for that last son or daughter, etc. to get home before we pass on? Yeah, there are multiple stories about that. Well, my loyal loving dog Abby did that for me---she held on long enough for me to get home and hold her and pet her and tell her it was o.k., and she died in my arms. That is “Grace Under Pressure” and love from an animal that I don’t see in many of us my friend. I don’t think I have it, I am humbled by it.

I did ok until the next night when I had to go out back with the pick-ax and slowly work my way thru the frozen sand and rocks and dig her grave. I haven’t cried that hard since we lost my father and father-in-law, I worked for hours and hours digging away and making a grave deep enough to keep the coyotes out. As I dug I remembered how she waited for me, how she always loved me when I was angry or sad or it didn’t matter what I was, she loved me despite myself. She loved me unconditionally, she loved me in grace under pressure of old age and her dying breaths. She loved me because she was just a loving pet, made that way, lived that way, died that way. I’m sorry, I can never do this again, I can never have another pet. There could never be another pet like Abby. I’m just going to stop there and remember my very loving, loyal friend who exemplified grace under pressure. Imagine that, a heavenly gift from but a lowly boxer, but Wow, what a gift indeed.

I am Still Alive

I am still very much alive. I am so sorry I haven't written much lately. Folks have been asking for a new post. The fact is I have so many things to write about I am overwhelmed by it. Life here is so good and amazing that I can't stop to write about it, I am having so much fun living it. Today we woke up and went to Church. Then we went out to eat at the Cut River Inn for Whitefish, came back and took a nice long nap. Afterwards, Jomay and I went out snow-shoeing on the Big Lake. No wolves, coyotes or deer seen out there today, despite the heat wave. It hit 36 degrees today, too darn warm, really, not kidding. It's amazing how our bodies acclimate to different environments. I can go outside in a T-shirt at 36 now, and it's very warm. I am reminded of a friend of mine who is in Antarctica right now, who told me he acclimates to the -30 degree tunnels connecting the complex about now---and he goes between the buildings in a T-shirt at that temperature!!! Such is life, we are designed to overcome, improvise, adapt, acclimate. With that thought, I am not sure where to start....well, let's stick with FUN!!!

Three days ago the most beautiful woman on Earth and I went Cross-Country skiing on the Hiawatha Club---we went into to woods pretty darn far, enjoying the most incredible depth of quietness and peacefullness that can be found down here on this planet. Have you ever had the joy experiencing a cedar forest in the winter? With the boughs filled with new snow but the trail well-groomed and miles from nowhere? You finally stop after exercising and trailing and just breath in the fresh, cedar laiden air and stop and listen and hear nothing except maybe the snowflakes joining the snowfall. WOW, mesmerizing to say the least, you can hear your ears hear. Then, the next day we go down-hill skiing at Boyne Highlands. What a joy to go parelling down those familiar runs---the lazy back miles, just being with my Main Squeeze (Jomay) again, after so many months of separation due to the New York City Experience. After snow-shoeing today (our His and Her Christmas Presents)---we went into town to join our Church Friends for a movie and popcorn in the fellowship hall---we were about the last to leave enjoying our newfound friends and home and a great movie. The fact is, there is so much continual FUN to be had here, there are not enough hours in the day. People ask me how in the heck can you live up there in the winter? Well, it's true we don't have mall and a Lowes in less than 1 and 1/ hours away, but I do have a Great Lake to travass on and look back at the two miles encompassing my beach and see 4 houses with lights on---that's how many neighbors I have over a two mile stretch. Then, when the winter sun sets, we see new colors with shades of orange and blue and yellow that are different everyday, and this is followed by the plethoric display of stars that dot the winter sky like packing peanuts falling out of your Christmas Present Box shipped by your Mom. You look up and say WOW, see the steam from your breath and then are breathless....

Basketball season starts tomorrow, and back to school. We are looking forward to a lot of fun there, seeing our star athelete Jeffy assume the role of Center for the eigth grade team, and drummer in the Pep Band for the varsity. Our Sarah went bowling tonight in Saint Ignace with a group of girls from Church and had a great time. However, she had to say goodbye to her boyfriend who is off to college tomorrow---we like David a lot, but are glad to have a little relief from having to stay up late and chaperone them! Lorhel is back to college too, settling in to her life of practicing the viola and earning A's and spending time with her boyfriend Nathan. We miss her a lot, she really lit up our life here. It was a realy joy to take Jomay, Sarah and Lorhel to our local bed and breakfast/lodge 4 star restuarant and all eat prime rib next to the fireplace---we actually ate that for two dinners after--they give you so much! It was great as hash for breakfast, etc. Such a nice treat to have such a great restaurant so many miles from nowhere.

We have finally started putting pine paneling on the ceilings in the new additions, so much so that my arms can barely type. It has been an intricate system of levers, pullys, scaffolding and ladders to do finish carpentry on a 14 foot high ceiling, but we are managing it. We realize it will take a long time to finish all this, but at least it is insulated and warm. The Geothermal Heat Pump is working very well, FINALLY, after many well issues. But last month, including electric in a deep freeze of sub-zero temperatures and the heat pump running continuously, the bill was $150. It would be well over $400 if we were still on propane. At this rate it will pay for itself in just over two years. Pretty amazing that water can be your heat source, no fire hazard, no carbon monoxide, etc., plus, it will be air-conditioning in those very hot July and August days when the wind lies down.

Speaking of wind, I have never been so humbled by nature in this season of SNOW. When the south wind blows a gale off Lake Michigan it is very hard to walk the complex----snow blowing into your face with wind chills beyond belief make taking the garbage out an adventure. But then, the next day it lies down to a complete calm. However, it leaves you humbled knowing it can come back and rip cedar trees out of the rock it if wants too. But the place is built so well, inside in the new great room you can't ever hear the wind thru the 2 x 6 walls, incredibly strong and insulated. Sometimes we make a fire in the fireplace just for FUN, and enjoy the extra warmth and glow.

Well, tomorrow I hope to take a bunch of pictures and get them posted of all that is going on here---thanks so much to listening to me. Suffice it to say that life is FUN again, and no, winter is good too---there's so much to do. We are thinking of adding some snowmobiles in the future too. The Hiawathata Club trails spread over 36,000 acres and you rarely ever see anyone else---but yet, if you seek human company that is never far away and the people are loving and friendly and HAPPY. I know all sorts of folks here now, and what's amazing to me is that whether they are poor or rich they are overall very happy to be here and live life. If you are hungry and poor you can still go out and catch or shoot something. Maybe that's what does it, knowing there is always hope and you can live off the land. That's some part of FUN we forget and miss out on living next to a Kohl's and Lowes and a Shopping Mall. Many Blessings, see you soon, Jeff.